Friday, October 22, 2004

Ultimate Show -what?!-

Answering machine: Friday, 1120 AM

Veronica on ansering machine: Hi, Mr hebly, this is Veronica from The Ultimate Show Girls.
I, umm, see on here that you ordered a couple of strippers for tomarrow night at about eight o'clock.
We have to cancel your order.
If you'd like to give us a call, please call us at 1800ShowGirls.
Thank you.
(hick) -CLICK.

Alodia: I know why you don't want to go to the car rally tomarrow night, you had strippers comming over.

Kevin: What?!
Lets give 'em a call.
showgirls is not 7 digits.

Alodia: You just start dialing, and it goes through.

Kevin calls 18007469447:
(-crappy background music starts-- elevator anyone?)

OH, hi sexy, i'm so glad you called. you are about to be connected live one on one to one of my wild and hot friends who is ready to satisyfy your wildest fantisties. If you are an experiecned caller, you can enter your credit card number any time. Don't forget, if you are experienced ... as a caller, you can enter, mmmm, your credit card number at any time. Mastercard is the card of choice where you credit is instantly approved.
We also except Visa, American Express, and Discover. Or use your checking account by just pressing the # key. (-voice changes-) One more time, mmm, you can give it to me anytime you want. That's right just enter your credit card number at anytime during this message. This call will be billed at 1.99 to 499 per minute depending on menu selection and will descretely appear on your credit card statement as Fronteer or Network Telephone. A tollfree customer service number will be provided later in this message as well as on your creditcard statement. In most cases, we can help you emediatly, so please call us 24 hours a day if you have any billing questions. Each call has an access fee of 599. Take out your credit card and put in your nubmer so I can talk to you now. This is a hot, sizling adult line, so you've got to be at least 18 to join us.
Customer service time may be billed at the prevelaing permament rate. For customer service please call:

18007771249 or write to
6433 Topanga Canyon BLVD # 150
Canoga Park, California 91303

mmm, I'm waiting for you, stud (almost a whisper). Enter your credit card number now. If you hear the following tone (beep) then you've been approved for the SBS billing network. Should your credit card compnay not approve this transation you will be billed directly by SBS.
i'm sorry, please re-enter your card number now
i'm sorry, please re-enter your card number now
i'm sorry, we were unable to process the credit card number you entered, please re-enter you card number or enter a different card number now.
i'm sorry, please re-enter your card number now
i'm sorry, please re-enter your card number now
i'm sorry, we were unable to process the credit card number you entered, please re-enter you card number or enter a different card number now.
i'm sorry, please re-enter your card number now
i'm sorry, please re-enter your card number now

kevin calls customer service 9:30pm. and is greated by a message promissing quality.
Gloria answers.
kevin demands the number be put on do not call - she can see it on her caller id
she says they just handle billing, they don't even know who that company is.
she puts me on hold, tries to dial 1800showgirls number
a long time passes, she can't figure out the real number
i have to convert it for her (kevin's not too good at this sort of thing)
i give her the number, she calls, and verifies that they do billing for them.
i ask to be taken off their list. and how do i contact them directly
she says i use their 800 number - i say, but i don't want that phone number, i want to talk to person to get off their list.
she recods my name (wrong): kevin hebley - as it appears in the phone book.
i read her the message I received, and she said it sounded fishy - she said that their customer does not make house calls, it's done all over the phone. I said i thought so, and that i wanted to talk to that company directly to complain.
i read her the message verbatum, she tooks notes of it, and she recommend i call during regular business hours (customer service there) and ask for the Day Supervivors or Manager.
I pressed her for how to contact the Ultimate ShowGirls company directly, but she would not budge, only the recommendation I talk to someone above her during normal hours.
I thank her for her time.

Maybe i'll call them monday.

Moral of the story: Alodia will help you call porn numbers. Porn number companys are hard to get ahold of if you want to talk about something other then sex AND get them off your phone. It's turning out to be really cool that the phone company put our names wrong in the phone book - it helps us sort out junk voicemail and mail.


k2h said...

so explain to me about how having your name wrong in the phone book it gets people like this to call you?

alodia helps you call porn numbers?

do you guys have caller id?

wow.. this wasn't a very nerdy tail. it was more of customer service nightmare type post.

forkev said...

no, no, you've missed the point.
having your name wrong in the phone book allows you to quickly sift through legemitate vs. ill-legimate mail and calls.

we don't have caller id - we don't even have long distance. we use for longdistance = cheeper.

alodia helped me understand that dialing just ignores the extra numbers - so i'm giving her credit as a supporter for helping facilitate the call.

and as far as the 'nerdy' portion of the post: well maybe i took some liberties.

now, where's my supper! my grilled cheese is wearing off.

palegreenhorse said...

now the real question is, "why in the world are you not on the national do not call list?" use a brain cell kev. okay wait, actually you probably used all yours up. so tell alodia to use her brain, i know it is working, and go to
then you can just sort out the weird people that dial random phone numbers... instead of sex calls.

palegreenhorse said...

oh ya, i was going to address the nerdyness. for someone who probably still knows the frequency that a quarter made in pay phones, you sure don't know a lot about dialing phone numbers. go alodia! you are a much better, useful nerd.

k2h said...

grilled cheese? for the longest time I thought it was GIRLED CHEESE (no really, i did)

and then when I found out otherwise i thought less of girls.

k2h said...

are you kidding? kev knows the sound a quarters makes when shoved through the display of a cell phone.

k2h said...

... driven by a golf club from the goodwill.

forkev said...

goodwill rocks.
i'm currently torn between options:
like letting my cracked headlamp stay on my car, or buying another one for 130$.
130$ seems a bit steep when light comes out of the other one (albeit, not as much)

Sarah said...

I think that just the fact that Kev is a nerd makes it a nerdy post.

forkev said...

NOW i'm on the do not call list.